i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
