I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
