I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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