You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
