that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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