What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
