Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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