Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
