Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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