remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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