His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
