It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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