we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
