my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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