How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
