I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
