I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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