a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
3pm strippers are depressing
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize