I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
