ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
