In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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