good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
