Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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