I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
