It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
