if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
