Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
