My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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