Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
