i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
