I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize