Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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