I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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