They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
