somebody snuck up and got me drunk
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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