**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
