is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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