Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
