chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
