I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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