And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
