So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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