I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
