and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
