can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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