Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
