If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
