im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
