just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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