Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
