My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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