So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
