I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
