Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
