Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
