No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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