About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He felt like a one man threesome
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
