I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
