I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
