I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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