I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
