Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
