EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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