Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
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