Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
