Me too!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
